Coping with Grief during the Holidays: 6 Key Mechanisms to Incorporate This Season
Celebrating the holidays while grieving is difficult. Finding appropriate ways to cope with bereavement and loss can be especially challenging during this season. While finding ways to work through your emotions, it’s essential to check in with yourself often and evaluate what is—or isn’t —working for you.
It’s vital to keep in mind that what works best for you may not work for others, and vice versa. Moreover, the coping mechanisms that have worked for you in the past may begin to shift as time goes on.
Whether you find solace in a support group or you do better with skipping out on festivities altogether, there are many options you can go through to help support yourself emotionally during the holidays.
Below are six key coping strategies you can incorporate this year.
1. Feel Your Feelings & Be Specific
Try to allow yourself to experience all of your feelings as they come, without suppression. Grief from loss will oftentimes bring up a wide variation of conflicting emotions. You may feel overwhelming sadness one moment and then contentment later on.
It is especially important to freely experience challenging emotions, such as anger or disappointment. When these feelings go unacknowledged, they build up. This can cause a perfect storm for unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Each one of your emotions are valid. Give yourself the permission to express yourself without self-judgment.
2. Take Care of Your Physical Health
Grief can take its toll on your physical health. Because it can affect everything from what you eat, how you sleep, and how your body feels overall, you should be practicing self-care as much as reasonably possible.
Exercise and spend time outdoors, get meaningful rest (take naps, if you need to), eat healthy foods, and drink plenty of water. The connection between your mind and body is powerful, so taking the best care of your physical being is an important part of helping yourself to grieve.
In addition, watch your alcohol consumption. Holidays naturally bring an increase in drinking opportunities, however it is also a way some people numb their emotions. Ask yourself why you are drinking: If the answer is to mentally escape your grief, it is a sign to say no to the next drink and reach out to someone for support.
3. Ask for Support
The holidays can be a stressful time for everyone, due to the simple fact of additional items tacked onto your to-do list. However, when you’re actively grieving, these tasks — such as cooking, decorating, or shopping — can feel like too much. If the item on your to-do list seems to be too much to bear, try asking a trusted family member or friend for their help.
If you take this route, try to be as specific as possible. Make sure, if you’re asking for assistance, you aren’t vague in your request. After all, you are requesting help because your energy is depleted. You need to make sure that the help they provide is what is actually needed.
4. Honor Traditions & Memories
When you lose someone you love, you also lose a piece of your tradition. However, as important as starting new traditions is to the healing process, you will still want to find ways to hold onto some of the most meaningful or appreciated aspects.
One way to keep a piece of this is to slightly modify your old tradition to meet a new one. For example, if you and your loved one used to drive around and look at Christmas lights, you may consider inviting a friend along. You are still participating in the activity, but the company has changed.
5. Set Expectations & Communicate Them Clearly
One of the top ways you can set yourself up for success for the holiday season is to set realistic expectations for yourself and everyone around you. If you don’t think that it’s possible to make it through festivities without shedding a tear, then don’t expect that from yourself. If you don’t believe your relatives will refrain from bringing up a tough memory, don’t expect otherwise from them. Getting your hopes up for things that most likely won’t happen will only bring disappointment, making everything else seem worse.
Loss of a loved one affects a variety of people and each individual person has their own unique way of coping and experiencing grief. If you are truly worried about getting together with certain people, it is not inappropriate to set expectations verbally with your loved ones. However, be sure to practice fairness, kindness, and grace — this will only make your gatherings more successful.
6. Involve Your Children
When it comes time, you may find that having a discussion about grief can be just as difficult as actually explaining death itself. Keeping in mind age-appropriate conversations, it’s okay to let them know that the atmosphere of this holiday may feel different than years prior. Ensure that you are validating their feelings and letting them know that whatever emotions they’re experiencing is natural, normal, and expected. Encourage them to express how they feel when and if they ever become ready. Moreover, model this appropriately so that they feel comfortable enough being heard. This is important in supporting them in their own grief process.
For those children who are struggling with a loss, be vigilant that they may feel overwhelmed or just flat-out uncomfortable with the very idea of participating in any holiday activities (such as family gatherings or church events). As difficult as it is to allow your children to make their own decisions — especially when it’s the holidays — it may not be a bad idea to consider allowing them some space. Try brainstorming ideas with your children that will help them to stay involved, but at their own pace.
When children are experiencing grief, they may not understand why the adults around them aren’t talking about the person who is no longer there, or why they aren’t being honored. If you know your child is sensitive to this nature, talk to them about their expectations. This is a perfect opportunity to create situations where their desires are set forth or simply let them know that their expectations aren’t realistic. Communication is key.
Holiday Grief or Chronic Depression?
There’s no doubt that depression and grief go hand in hand. Most of the time, as we heal, the depression will improve and our spirits will lift. However, sometimes grief can cause us to dig ourselves a hole so deep that we are unable to come out of it — leading to depression that is severe enough to be treated.
For physicians, this can be difficult to distinguish. Unless you serve as your patient’s therapist, you may not understand that their signs of depression is, in fact, a period of grief.
With MHT, our screening assessments can assist with diagnosis and alert you immediately to serious concerns.
To speak with one of our highly-knowledgeable customer service representatives, contact us today. We are looking forward to learning more about our practice and how we can help you.
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